


The way I need you

by PrincessOfMalec (Treasure7)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Mutual Pining, Suicidal Thoughts, nothing explicit but it's there so I'm tagging it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 01:56:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9213956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Treasure7/pseuds/PrincessOfMalec
Summary: Simon is injured protecting Jace in a fight, and surrounded by darkness, he must choose to either fight or let it consume him. In the mean time, Jace is doing everything he can to save the man who stole his heart and yet he feels as if it's all useless. Turns out, it's the little things that'll help Simon fight his way back to the Shadowhunter.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!  
> This is my first ever Jimon-fic, written for Sara (Matthewbane on Tumblr) who had her birthday on the 10th of December, I'm so late and I'm so sorry!
> 
> I hope I did these lovely boys justice (I'm sorry it's kind of painful, I swear I didn't mean to make it that way)!

Jace Wayland.

 

Simon couldn’t tear his eyes away from the shadowhunter as he slew yet another demon, the grace and pure strength with which he moved was without a doubt the most beautiful thing the vampire had ever seen.

 

Not that any of it mattered anyway, not the way Simon’s hands trembled with nerves every time he was alone with the other man nor the way he was certain that if his heart could still beat, it would be making flip-flops in his chest with the mere sight of the shadowhunter. It was all useless information for anyone to have, because never in any story Simon had ever read did the fearless shadowhunter-warrior end up with the awkward mundane turned vampire. Angels didn’t fall in love with demons, after all.

 

Crouching down just in time to avoid the claws of a demon launching for him, Simon grabbed the creature by its neck and with a snarl he parted the head from its body. As the demon turned into ash, he looked up in time to catch Jace watching him. He gave the shadowhunter a smile and was just about to throw out a comment about never underestimating a downworlder, when he saw the black shadow-like talons coming towards Jace in an attack way too fast for the shadowhunter to ever evade.

 

 _No no no NO!_  Simon chanted in his mind as he started running towards the man, panic gripping his heart with every horrible scenario running through his head.

 

Before even giving his mind a moment to catch up, the vampire was in front of Jace and shielding the shadowhunter with his own body.

 

It felt as if he was being embraced by a cold river, the shadow gripped him tight enough that even with his vampire-strength, Simon found it impossible to move even an inch. Slowly but surely he felt all his energy being drained away. The light that had continued to burn so brightly inside his chest even as he was turned into a monster, was slowly but surely being suffocated by the endless darkness that surrounded him. Within seconds, Simon had forgotten what it was he was even fighting for. Any feelings he might have had, all the agony and hurt he’d felt just seconds ago at the thought of being rejected once again, all of it faded away as if they had never been there in the first place. Simon felt nothing, cared for nothing and it didn’t feel the slightest bit wrong. So he opened his arms, prepared to embrace the darkness and let it be a part of him for the rest of his eternal life.

 

But, just as he felt another wet shadow-talon trek up his arm, ready to consume him again, a voice cut through the endless darkness around him. No, not just _a_  voice, _his_  voice.

“SIMON! NO! Oh by the angel, no! Please no! Don’t worry, I’ve got you baby, I’ve got you. Just _please_  hang in there, okay?”   
_He called me “baby”_ , and with that thought, that small amount of hope, a dim light in the deepest corner of his heart flared back to life.

Staring into the darkness he’d been fully prepared to embrace not two seconds ago, Simon started fighting back.

 

*******

 

As the demon hit Simon and the poison worked its way into the vampire’s system within seconds, Jace could do nothing but scream. He lashed out and, with just a couple of strikes, he’d slayed every single demon around them. Throwing himself on the ground and laying Simon’s head into his lap, he trusted his fellow shadowhunters to have his back as he tended to the other man.

“Oh by the angel, no! Please no!” he sobbed as he wrecked his brain on how to help the other man. He wasn’t a shadowhunter, and Jace wasn’t trained enough in downworlder-healing to know what would help cure Simon of the poison.

 _Magnus will know,_ he thought and rose with Simon in his arms. One look exchanged with Alec and his parabatai knew exactly where he’d be going, a nod of confirmation and Jace was off, running towards the High warlock of Brooklyn’s loft.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you baby, I’ve got you. Just _please_  hang in there, okay?” he chanted to Simon as he ran as fast as his speed-rune could bare him.

 

*******

 

It had been almost a day since the fight, almost 24 hours since Jace had barged into Magnus’ loft and, choking on tears, begged the warlock to please save the life of the man in his arms. Magnus had done what he could and taken the poison out of his body, but in the end Simon would have to fight the darkness all on his own. Only the vampire himself could decide whether he’d live or not, that was the danger with this particular brand of poison - it only killed you if you didn’t want to live bad enough to fight it.

“Is he still in there?”

Magnus turned towards where Alec was walking through the door and nodded.

“He refuses to leave his side other than to go to the bathroom”, he answered and Alec gave him a nod as if to say that he wasn’t even remotely surprised.

“I can’t say I blame him, to be honest”, he said and although they’d never spoken about it before, the bond Jace and Simon shared, Magnus knew exactly what he meant.

_I wouldn’t leave your side either_

“I need to convince Raphael to give me some blood. I’m running low and even if Simon manages to fight his way through, he still won’t survive if he doesn’t get some blood in his system in the next couple of hours. Could you…?”

 

“Take mine”

Magnus and Alec both turned towards where Jace was standing at the guestroom door.

“Take your what?” Magnus questioned, to confirm that the shadowhunter meant what he thought he meant.

“Take my blood. I’m sure I’ve got some I can spare and I won’t let him parrish while we wait for Raphael to get here. Take mine, now” he said, rolling up his shirt-sleeve to expose his vein.

Magnus looked to Alec to judge his reaction, sure he’d draw a line at this point. But his boyfriend just shrugged as if he’d been expecting this as well and through the worry that clawed at his heart for the young vampire, Magnus managed a smile as he turned to get the equipment he needed.

 

*******

 

Jace sat back down in the chair he’d been occupying for the last 24 hours, staring at Simon’s unmoving chest. When he’d woken up from an involuntary nap a couple of hours earlier, the lack of breath or heartbeat had freaked him out for about two seconds before he remembered that Simon was a vampire and thus didn’t have any need of a beating heart or breathing. He really hoped Magnus would hurry to get whatever equipment he’d need for the blood-transfusion.

“You know, I’ve imagined all the horrible ways you could get hurt and yet not _once_  did any of those scenarios involve you getting hurt _saving me._  What were you thinking, Simon? You know I always come out just fine in the end. I can’t believe you jumped in front of me, you selfless _idiot._  Why, Simon? Why would you do such a stupid thing?”   
He didn’t even care about the tears staining his cheeks anymore, had stopped caring about anything and anyone other than Simon laying unconscious on Magnus’ guest-bed.

 

 _Only Simon himself can decide if he’ll live or not. He must choose to fight the darkness or it will take him,_ Magnus’ words from the day before, after he’d cleared all traces of the venom from the vampire’s system, came back to him and Jace took a deep breath and grabbed a hold of Simon’s hand, squeezing it harder than was probably necessary.

“Simon I… I need you to fight it, okay? I know I’m being incredibly selfish right now, but I just need you to wake up. I can’t do this without you, I can’t go through the rest of my life without listening to your ridiculous jokes or movie-references. People keep telling me I’m strong, they keep _expecting_  me to be strong but… Simon, without you I… I don’t know what to do without you. The thought alone feels as if someone is slowly clawing their way through my chest to rip out my heart. You are the strongest, bravest and most amazing man I have ever met, and I _need_  you. Please, Simon. Just _please_  wake up”

He bent down and pressed a kiss to the vampire’s cold hand, leaning his forehead against the arm and praying with all of his being that his words had somehow gotten through the darkness that had Simon in its grip.

“I’ll do anything, just please wake up…” he whispered, his eyes closed as the tears continued to run down his cheeks.

 

*******

 

Simon was exhausted. He felt as if his mind was a never-ending road of darkness and he couldn’t help but think that none of his efforts to fight through it were helping.  
“What are you fighting for, anyway?” came a dark voice that Simon recognized all too well, it was the same voice he’d been listening more and more to lately. The voice that told him he was a monster, and a useless one at that. It was the voice that told him he was unlovable, that he’d spend eternity in pathetic loneliness and that he’d deserve it for being so damn stupid and getting himself into this mess to begin with.

And truthfully, Simon was starting to forget what he was fighting for again. The small spark of hope inside his chest was dwindling again and Simon wept as he thought of how easy it would be to just _give up_  to just let the darkness take him. To just have it all be over. After all, maybe they were right in that you live more lives than one? Maybe if he just let the darkness take him, he could start over in life and do things the right way this time?

 

_Simon… Need you to fight… Selfish right now, but…_

The tiny flame in his chest perked up at the muddled sound of the voice and Simon focused his hearing towards where it was coming from, slowly starting to walk towards it.

 _I can’t go through the rest of my life without listening to your ridiculous jokes or movie-references,_  the voice continued and Simon, despite the tears still running down his cheeks, found himself smiling when he recognized who it was. Jace.   


_… keep telling me I’m strong, they keep_ expecting _me to be strong but… Simon, without you I… I don’t know what to do without you,_  the way Jace’s voice broke at the end had Simon’s legs moving faster and then suddenly there was a small strip of light breaking through the endless darkness.

 

 _The thought alone feels as if someone is slowly clawing their way through my chest to rip out my heart. You are the strongest, bravest and most amazing man I have ever met, and I_ need _you,_  Simon quickened his pace as the strip widened into an actual opening, the darkness slowly fading away the more he focused on the sound of Jace’s voice as he spoke to him.

 

 _Please, Simon. Just_ please _wake up,_  with one last desperate push, Simon leaped for the door and as his eyes fluttered open, it was to the sight of Jace bending down to kiss his hand. He was about 110% sure that if his heart was still beating, it would have rushed right out of his chest the moment the shadowhunter’s lips touched his skin.

 

“I’ll do anything, just please wake up…”, Jace whispered and Simon being Simon just couldn’t resist an offer like that.

“Great. Next week, you and me are having a Marvels-marathon, Captain America” he croaked with a small smile.

 

*******

 

The sound of Simon’s voice, though cracked and broken from lack of use, was quite possibly the most beautiful sound Jace had ever heard. He lifted his head, needing confirmation that it wasn’t some dream but that the vampire was _actually_  awake and was met with Simon smiling up at him.

“You’re okay..” he breathed, tears of relief forming in his eyes. Simon gave a small nod and winced as the action pulled at his muscles.

“Well, I think ‘okay’ is a bit of an overstatement actually. I mean, I’ll live but mmph…!”

Jace didn’t give him a chance to finish his no doubt confusing and way too long sentence, but bent down to cover the vampire’s lips with his own in a desperate kiss. Simon tensed beneath him and Jace panicked slightly before he felt a hand rake through his hair and soft lips finally started moving against his own.  
  
Simon was okay. Simon was okay and _kissing_  him. The fact that one of them almost had to die for them to get together was a bit insane but Jace decided not to question it. The world had the weirdest ways of bringing people together, after all, and the only important thing right now was that Simon was very much alive and Jace had the rest of his life to show him just how much love he deserved.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought in the comment-section and make my day!  
> If you want, you can look me up on tumblr, you can find me on: **PrincessOfMalec**


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